I’m on break, which means: plenty of time for a new post! Woo. So here it is, the first installment of Evolution of a Screenplay. In today’s episode, I’ll be talking about quite possibly the cheesiest part of screenwriting: the logline. I know it’s necessary. I do. It just always feels like I’m writing it for some Danielle Steele-type B-novel that tries way too hard to get your attention in the checkout line at Stop ‘n Shop. But hey: screenwriting is a business after all, and the script a product. So these are the loglines I toyed with on my way to finding the one that worked:

A man must keep his lies in order or face the ugly truths of his past.

The problems with this one is it’s too messy. Instead of rolling right off the tongue it feels more like chewing a big piece tinfoil that gets stuck in your teeth. You suck, first logline.

A man who has lied his way through life meets an enemy who wants to expose him.

Here I go getting too wordy again. And too complete sentence-y. This one feels like an answer on an eighth-grade reading comprehension test. Beyond that, I don’t like the word “enemy” here. My mind immediately goes to the “Action” section of the video store, and my script doesn’t really fit there. The antagonist of my story is more of a deceitful friend than a foe. Logline Two, you’ve been DELETED.

One man lives on lies. The other strives off secrets. It’s only a matter of time before it all comes out.

Chances are, I wasn’t entirely — what do you call it? Oh, right. Sober. — when I wrote this. The sentences don’t seem to connect. Reading it now I’m not even sure the words do either. I’m calling on the reader to do a lot of supposin’, when they should be able to get it without thinking. Number Three — Eh, nevermind. Moving on:

One man lives a lie. The other feeds on secrets. With these two against each other, it’s only a matter of time before everything comes to light.

Obviously I was a little attached to the “one man does this while the other does that” motif. Again my mind immediately thinks of the action-thriller in a “race against time” sort of way. Though this one may be the closest to the actual plot, it doesn’t capture the proper tone. So we move on:

A man faces the ugly truths of his past as he tries to cover his tracks in the present.

This one isn’t too bad actually. I completely forgot about it until I started looking through my notes for this post. Perfect example of why you should a) always write everything down and b) actually go through what you’ve written. A fresh set of eyes is a very useful tool.

The real problem with this one is that it makes it seem more like a detective story than it is. My protagonist is not exactly running from anyone, he’s being forced into a corner.

Aidan Donahue’s said too much. Now he has to make sure no one heard anything.

I’m not a huge fan of the way this one sounds, but it does do a better job of communicating the creepy tone I’m aiming for. But like the previous logline, this one gives the wrong impression of plot. Here it seems that multiple people are coming after the anti-hero Aidan, when it’s really one man and his manipulation skills.

Aidan Donahue’s said too much. Joe Lenehan loves a dirty secret. It’s only a matter of time before it all comes to light.

Not a fan of the specificty here. One of my intentions with the script is to make the reader question who exactly is supposed to be the “good guy” and who’s supposed to be the “bad guy.” In many ways, Aidan and Joe are two sides of the same coin. Here again I’ve written a “race against time” into the line and I still don’t like it. The story isn’t about whether Aidan’s secrets come out, but rather how he’ll prevent that from happening.

A few others:

It’s only a matter of time before everything comes to light.

Nothing stays dead forever.

Nothing stays buried forever.

Have I said too much already?

Eh. Not bad. Not great, but not bad. I think these would work better on a promo poster if a trailer was already out. But I’m not writing for trailers, I’m writing to entice readers.

So what did I choose? The simple route:

A man trying to leave his dark past behind meets someone who won’t let him forget.

It’s not the snappiest one, but it gets the job done. It leaves a lot to the imagination and it lacks anything too flowery. Sometime in the future I’ll probably update this one to give it a little more oomph, but for now it’s doing what it needs to do: keeping me on track. You may have your whole story planned out before you start writing, but chances are new ideas will kick you in the head as soon as you write the opening scene. A good way to make sure that doesn’t happen is to keep your logline visible whenever you sit down to type. That way, you can check your new ideas against your logline and make sure that the scene with your evil stepmother on a ferris wheel actually fits with your story about a lawyer’s struggle to keep his client out of the electric chair.

So choose a logline that works for you. You’re going to have to read it the most, so don’t worry how others will perceive it. If the writing’s good, you’ll eventually have minions to do the marketing for you.